Welcome to REVERB – The Sound’s recap of the top stories (and some not-so-top) involving Annapolis and Anne Arundel County that we found interesting enough to send your way… with a complimentary side of… well, sarcasm.
Hometown Annapolis gave a report on Wednesday about a 77-year-old woman who first found she couldn’t get into her safety deposit box and then when a locksmith drilled into the box, found her approximately $38,000 in jewelry missing.
Maybe it’s because I currently do not own $38,000 worth of jewelry, but I really don’t understand the people who keep their jewels locked away in a safety deposit box. Doesn’t that kind of defeat the point of having jewelry in the first place? I mean, it’s meant to wear, not stick in a velvet case and lock away.
If you ask me, which I realize of course no one did, it seems like the ultimate in materialistic excess. When you have so many expensive things that you literally cannot find use for them all and are left to stick them in a metal box for fear someone will break into your house expressly to run off with your expensive things, it’s time to reexamine your life.
What good is jewelry when it just sits in box at a bank? You might as well sell it. It’ll still be sitting in a bank, but at least you’ll be learning interest.
“The extent of Dr. Rhee’s general knowledge is very impressive,” the article said.
Question 1: How many friends, social engagements and general contact with other humans does one have to give up in order to amass enough “general knowledge” to win two nights in a row on Jeopardy, which according to the article, “isn’t easy.”
Question 2: Is it worth it? After taxes are taken out or whatever other loopholes prevent you from actually taking home all of the money you’ve won, was it all worth it in the end? Do you cringe a little when you remember all the times your friends asked you to go out for a beer and you were all, “Sorry guys, I’ve got to brush up on my knowledge of 16th century monarchs,” or is it a fond memory spent in the glow of your computer screen?
And it’s not just Jeopardy, I imagine, that takes some serious and bizarre sacrifices to perfect. Family Feud, for example. It’s not the most intellectual of game shows, but you can’t participate without at least some preparation, right? Do potential contestants stand on busy street corners with a clipboard polling pedestrians on a wide variety of pointless questions? Do they get sunburn on their bald spots and funny tan lines from their Birkenstocks for the effort they must put in all day long?
Wheel of Fortune is another one. In terms of physical preparedness, it must rank towards the top of all the game shows. See, that wheel – it’s a big wheel. I’ve never actually spun the Wheel of Fortune wheel, but I think I understand the general physics of it all. I imagine it requires quite the heave to get moving, and failing to spin said wheel in a satisfactory manner on national television would be quite embarrassing, so is there specific hand and wrist exercises one must perform in order to ensure maximum wheel-spinning power on Wheel of Fortune?
Instead of blowing off friends to memorize the kingdom, genus, phylum and species of 300 separate species of plants, do you blow off friends to do finger pushups and bicep curls with specially designed Wheel of Fortune free weights?
It’s a legitimate query, don’t mock me.
Eye on Annapolis ran a feature about the alarmingly high rate of pit bull attacks in the area recently. Not only have attacks by pit bulls been constant, but there have been two instances where people have actually shot the dogs after feeling threatened.
At first glance, it may seem like an incredibly inhumane thing to do to shoot a dog, but in this instance, I am fully on the side of the loaded guns. Make no mistake, I am a dog person. I love dogs, and want no less than six of my own, all of which I will name after my favorite athletes, television stars and Atticus Finch, so nothing I’m saying comes out of any sort of hatred for or animosity towards the animal.
The article mentions that, in fact, pit bull attacks greatly outnumber attacks by another breed of dog on humans, and that some states even have regulations and bans against them. The feeling is that Anne Arundel County should hop right on the anti-pit bull bandwagon for good.
I’ve never been attacked by a pit bull, but I sure know what it feels like to be scared senseless by one – which, let’s not kid ourselves, practically happens just from looking at the menacing creature. It may be a stretch to assume that certain breeds of dog, like the pit bull, are just genetically predisposed to violence, but such assumptions about violent human offenders have been scientifically proven, so stranger things have happened.
This much I know: Pit bulls are scary-ass dogs. They look perpetually pissed off, like they would love nothing more than to rip the skin from your face and eat it raw without so much as a condiment. I’ve never seen a pit bull who wasn’t snarling in a low sort of guttural way that made me want to run screaming the other direction or barking at such a decibel that surely Satan could hear it clear his minions bark clear down in Hades.
So maybe we can’t quite go as far as to simply place all the blame on the dogs, but here’s something else I know, that while it may be a sweepingly broad and potentially prejudicial generalization, doesn’t make it any less true: Scary, violent people own scary, violent dogs.
Perhaps the pit bull attacks are the result of the perfect storm of violently predisposed dogs and violently predisposed owners. It’s a frightening thought, but not one I’m ready to dismiss. Stricter regulations against pit bulls are exactly what the county should enact. Pit bull proponents can whine about it all they want, but when violent instances involving the breed are shown to decrease thanks to those laws, it will be time for the whining to cease.
Seems I’m on a bit of an anti-animal kick at the moment, and I’ll be expecting a call from PETA any minute now, which of course I will take while wearing my genuine Dalmatian fur coat and elephant ivory earrings.
I kid, of course, about the Dalmatian coat, but I’m really going to have to put a call in about those earrings.
Anyways, the Washington Post reported last week that the Anne Arundel County Department of Health warned swimmers about dangerously high bacterial levels in the South River and that if they feel a pressing need to swim in the disgusting water, that they should “immediately wash well with soap and warm water and wash their clothes.”
The health department’s guess as to why the bacterial readings are so high in that particular spot (and here’s where my call for the obliteration of birds comes into play)? It “may have been related to a large geese population in the area.
So we can add “pollutes swimming water to the point of health department involvement” to the list of reasons geese are horrifyingly icky alongside “funny smell,” “annoying honk,” and “WHAT is that on my shoe?!”
Humans 1, Birds 0.
This whole hoopla gives the impression that they’ve got less functioning brain cells than Joey Tribbiani – and even he had a good idea once in a while.
The headline for this Historic Annapolis Patch article is what initially made me roll my eyes so far back in my head, they were in danger of sticking there. “Market House an Attraction for Downtown, Not a Gold Mine, Analysts Say.” To which I must reply with a very loud, very emphatic Bronx cheer. Just a few weeks ago, my mom was visiting and as we sat eating at a window in the Federal House, she remarked, “Y’know that building out there really is an ugly obstruction. I’d have no idea there was a beautiful view of the water on the other side of it if I hadn’t seen it before we came in here.”
A truer statement has never been spoken. Attraction for downtown my ass.
I’m beating a dead horse again, but the whole damn building is a pointless eyesore that snarls up traffic and annoys me every time I walk past it. Once, I saw a pile of vomit on the sidewalk next to the Market House and I gave a silent cheer for whoever finally gave the building what it deserves. True story.
“BBP Principal Ralph Basile,” said Patch, “told the mayor and council members that the Market House could be a very popular center of activity, but it likely wouldn’t become a driving force for downtown.” Is it just me or does that make no sense at all? A very popular center of activity that wouldn’t be a driving force? What a phenomenal idea.
Alderman Ross Arnett appears to be the only suit thinking clearly when he heard this news and said, “If it’s not the primary driver for the recovery of downtown then we need to possibly go back and rethink our premises.” Ugh, I was on board until the rethinking process was mentioned. Rethinking takes so long. Especially with this brain trust.
I’m having a hard time understanding how anyone with any kind of authority in this city can think this whole moving-forward-with-the-money-pit-that-is-the-Market-House bit is anything but a disastrous idea. If I can do the research to find out that it has never been a lucrative or memorable building for more than a few years no matter the location or vendors, then surely the people who run the city can do the same.
Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It’s time to send out the men with the giant butterfly nets.