Welcome to REVERB – The Sound’s recap of the top stories (and some not-so-top) involving Annapolis and Anne Arundel County that we found interesting enough to send your way… with a complimentary side of… well, sarcasm.
Dibs
Hometown Annapolis’ Eric Hartley seemed to take offense to the City’s press release on Tuesday that detailed the new vendors taking up space in the Market House. Judging by Hartley’s ironic quotes around the word “announcing,” the fact that it was not hot off the press, breaking news was a gross oversight on the part of the Public Information Office when they announced the vendors. “Hmm, this looks familiar. Where have I seen it before?” Hartley snarked. “Oh right, In The Capital, last week.”
Bitter much Mr. Hartley? Is news only valuable when it’s brand, spanking new? I didn’t read it all that thoroughly since my brain involuntarily checked out after it read the words “Market House,” but I’m pretty darn sure that nowhere in the press release did anyone wrongfully claim it was previously unpublished information. There was no big secret-keeping agenda; the city just wanted the opportunity to officially announce the lineup itself.
Perhaps in the future, Hartley would be happier if the city’s press releases used footnote-style notation to cite the other places information they release has appeared.
Something like this I imagine:
Press Release
Public Information Office
160 Duke of Gloucester Street
Annapolis, Maryland 21401
For Immediate Release
City Announces Taping of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” to take place in August.
Annapolis, MD – The City of Annapolis is proud to announce (not for the first time mind you, as speculation over the last few months12 about this particular subject renders it “old news”) that the popular reality television series “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” will bring a media circus of famous-for-being-famous starlets to our fair city where taping for a new episode will commence for no less than four days. As previously reported3, Kim will attempt to show she’s not as dumb as she looks by steering a sailboat for four seconds of camera time, and Khloe and that Laker who’s not Kobe will renew their vows at the Naval Academy Chapel4.
- Star Magazine, page 16 “Stars are Just Like Us!”
- NY Times Page Six, “Where Are They Now: Robert Kardashian’s OJ Money”
- People Magazine, page 13-14 “Kardashians to take over Annapolis?”
- Not based on fact
Next on “Extreme Burgling”:
I suppose breaking into homes just got too boring for Kierra Michelle Green. The 21-year-old, says Historic Annapolis Patch, has been arrested “in connection with an incident of someone trying to break into a boat.” At 2:30am on Wednesday, the owner of the boat “told officers he was woken up by a woman walking on the deck and then saw her trying to open the locked door of the cabin.”
Never mind the fact that the wording of the article makes it abundantly clear that no one can actually be sure it was Ms. Green, and barring some sort of video recording miracle or an unlikely confession, she will never have to see the inside of a courtroom, how about how ridiculous you have to be to break into a boat while someone is on it???
People break into homes all the time while the residents are sleeping. Sure, sometimes they manage to stealthily nick the computer and home theater system before anyone upstairs hears and wakes up, but mostly it never works out as planned. Even the worst burglar knows it’s better to break into a home while the residents are somewhere else.
But on a boat, it’s not like the owners would be a floor away, or even a room away. What could possibly be so important in that particular boat that she thought she might just try to get away with robbing whilst a man sleeps two feet from her face? There had to be dozens of other boats nearby with no human people on board!
Start easy, Ms. Green. First the unoccupied boats, then the occupied ones….but not before you master your ninja field training.
Slippery When Stolen
You know the world’s gone mad when kitchen-related crimes are on the rise. This is not an issue of chefs gone mad, chopping up their employees with meat cleavers and sushi knives and serving them to unwitting patrons, Silence of the Lambs-style. It’s not the Great Lobster Revolt of 2011 when suddenly its people drowning in scalding water while the crustacean watches and laughs (although how great would that be!?) Rather, we bring you The Case of the Missing Kitchen Grease.
Tell Nancy Drew to bring some friends because What’s Up Mag says this is a crime running rampant throughout Maryland. It seems kitchen grease is quite the popular product as it can easily be converted “into fuel for car engines or [broken] down into meals for livestock and poultry.”
A new law is being introduced to curb the theft of kitchen grease, which is also problematic since the thieves do not know the environmental hazards posed by poorly handling the substance. The law “creates an annual registration requirement for transporting kitchen grease” which I imagine to work something like the chain of evidence procedure on NCIS – each new person handling the kitchen grease will have to sign off that they have it so there is proof that it has never been left unattended. Since there are currently other worrisome crimes out there – y’know, murder and kidnapping and the like – and since once I mention NCIS it’s difficult to remove Mark Harmon from the bed in my brain, may I recommend some imaginary crime-fighters to sweep through the country and rid the kitchens of grease thieves?
He May Just Deserve a Medal…
Law enforcement officers shut down areas of route 295 and I-195 yesterday as part of a search for one of the strangest fugitives yet.
He is believed to be armed with a shotgun or rifle, but according to the Washington Post, it has not yet been determined whether he has fired a shot.
He has, however, attacked a parked car with a hammer.
In broad daylight.
Wearing a flannel shirt.
So a fifty-something-year-old man sweating to death in a flannel shirt is lugging around a large gun and a hammer, while successfully evading the Maryland State Police AND the Anne Arundel County Police AND the helicopters AND the police dogs?
I have GOT to meet this guy’s dealer.
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